The Dating Box
by:
Devlyn Steele
Weather you are actively dating or just
getting back into dating, it is a world full
of possibilities. However, most of us are
creatures of habit and our patterns keep us in
a dating box, searching for and dating the
same types over and over.
Making contact online, you first have to
find people that interest you by searching the
dating website’s membership. Online the dating
box is literal, as you have to fill in web
forms to find potential dates. Most dating
sites give you two ways to search – quick or
advanced. Quick searches are just that –
they’re small web forms that let you search
based on just a few criteria, like location or
age. Advanced searches are larger web forms
that let you search using lots of more
specific criteria, like hair color, eye color,
education, body type and more.
Just remember that the more criteria that
you use for your searches, the fewer results
you’ll get. Searches are unforgiving – they’ll
return exactly what you ask for. We call them
“harsh numbers”. When you choose an age range
of, let’s say, 30-39, the person who just
turned 40 will not show up in the search
results. If you want to find someone with
light brown hair, those great dark brown
haired people…like me…will be cast aside.
Also, many sites let you use keywords as
part of the search criteria. This allows a
search for words in a member’s profile that
match your areas of interest. You can search
specifically for words like “tennis”,
“skiing”, or something else. This lets you be
super-specific if you wish.
Although you want to find someone that
attracts you and that you share things in
common, don’t limit yourself to what you think
is “your type”. After all, the “type” that you
have gone for in the past might have not
worked out. Think “outside your box”. What we
often think is “our type” is the same person
we have been chasing unsuccessfully, through
one bad relationship after another, our whole
life. Even if your type was a successful
relationship in the past, you cannot repeat a
relationship you once had with someone new.
Unless you date outside your box you will
never know if maybe someone different just
might be your “type.”
When going over your wants, there is the
numbers trap that we need to watch out for as
well. Offline we often use the expression,
“numbers don’t lie.” However the new culture
of online dating, numbers often do lie.
For instance the harsh numbers of weight,
height and age when in black and white may
make a person appear unattractive to you
online, who you would find very attractive
offline.
When we meet people in person we don’t say,
How old are you?
How much do you weigh?
How tall are you?
How much money do you make?
In person someone may carry his or her
height, weight or age off in a very attractive
manner. But when you look at the numbers
online you think too old, too heavy, too
short, too tall etc and that simply may not be
the case. You have the right to want what you
want, but I tell you this so that you can
allow yourself to look past the numbers and be
more open.
If you’re not finding people that fit, try
expanding your horizons. You are not making
any long-term commitment when meeting people,
so be open and meet more people and who you
fall for might surprise you. So get out of
your dating box and don’t restrict yourself.
Allow the incredible opportunity of online
dating to work for you. Contact and meet a lot
of people and leave yourself open to the
possibilities…
About The Author
As a life coach, Devlyn Steele has made helping people find ways to
improve their lives his personal mission
and passion. He is a public consultant, a
private counselor, an author and creator
of Tools To Life. He has hosted his own
radio shows called "Tools To Life" and
"Love beat" and has been a guest on over
150 various shows. You can read his
articles and advice all over the internet.
Devlyn has often been referred to as
"America's Leading Life-Coach." For free
E-books and more information visit
DevlynSteele.com. Send Questions To:
CoachSteele@ToolsToLife.com. |
