Bad Breath Terminology
by:
Kingston Amadan
We all know someone who has bad breath.
Still, you may not be current on all the slang
associated with this unfortunate condition.
Not to worry, my friend. I am here to provide
you with more than a few descriptive phrases
to use when referring to recurring bad breath,
also known as halitosis. This is not meant to
be amusing, but rather meant to provide a
public service to those who want to classify
people around them who have bad breath without
appearing to be out of the loop. The last
thing I want you to do is blurt out that
someone simply has "bad breath" as that can be
an unforgiveable social faux pas in the wrong
crowd. To be safe, please refer to this list
describing the malady in more current terms.
When someone exhibits bad breath, it is now
said that they are:
A) farting topside
B) leaking some limburger
C) melting the moustache
D) burning tires on their tongue
E) polluting the local environment
F) exploring the limits of personal space
with every exhalation
Just think of how much more poignant these
remarks will be than the old standard of, "so
and so has bad breath". Now you too can appear
"bad breath" savvy when reporting the
condition. No need to thank me for this,
helping others is what I do. I don't recommend
that you make these comment to the offending
person, as they might give the impression of a
lack of tact on your part. Besides, telling
someone they have bad breath isn't nearly as
fun as telling someone else about them. Of
course, no one would do this for the simple
joy of gossiping about another's misfortune.
Like me, I'm certain you would merely be
passing along vital information in the hope
that it would work its way around to the
intended recipient. This way, you have
absolved yourself of the serious
responsibility of telling someone their breath
offends and placed that burden not so squarely
on the shoulders of a mutual acquaintance.
Devilishly brilliant, in my opinion.
About The Author
Kingston Amadan
A BadBreathOGram is an e-mail you send
to someone who you want to know has bad
breath but you do not want to confront
directly. Give it a try.
http://www.badbreathogram.com/. |
